Katie Langdon – God In The New Journey Series
Thanks for tuning in once again to our current blog series for the month of March called “God In The New Journey: Being Brave Enough To Step Out. I have been eagerly waiting to introduce you to a friend whose recent new journey means she is also new to blogging, and I couldn’t wait to reveal her inspirational story here as she takes her turn weaving good solid honest words for you all. Help me in welcoming my longtime friend, cool blogger, and amazing mama, Katie Langdon from Confessions of a Sleep Deprived Mama to the blog! Yay!
And please be sure to track back through our first two weeks of posts in this series!
“I still remember the days I prayed for the things I have now”.
I have no idea who coined that phrase, all I know is I saw it on a friend’s Instagram post one day and it hit me hard enough that I’ve never forgotten it. I prayed and PRAYED for my little boy. I cried tears every month I wasn’t pregnant, and I cried more tears when I miscarried my first child. One day it happened, I was given the desire of my heart, and I was pregnant with our little boy.
Fast forward to June 12, 2016, the day my son Carter was born, or if you will, the day it all changed. I spent 21 hours in labour; my water broke at 1am and he was born at 10:30pm. I remember thinking that the hard part was finally over. Any of you moms laughing at me right now? Well, let me give you a little back story on my life up until that point. I am an Early Childhood Educator. I have eight years of experience working 5 days a week with children. The three years up until maternity leave I worked in an infant program. I am a bonus mom (that’s my cute less-ugly term for step mom) to three children, aged 9,10 and 11, and I have seven nieces and nephews. To say I had experience with kids would be an understatement. I really thought that I was prepared.
Spoiler alert: I was not prepared.
From the day Carter was born nothing went as “planned”. He was three weeks early, so although he was “full term” he was three weeks early…so he was jaundice, he was little, and because I spent almost two hours trying to push him out he was battered and bruised. He wasn’t an eager beaver to breast feed, and I was sleep deprived, stuck in the hospital, and frustrated. On day three of our hospital stay when I expected the nurse to come in and tell me we were being discharged, she instead brought in an incubator and he was taken from me for the next 24 hours to sunbathe.
I felt like it was all falling apart in front of me.
Two days later we were finally released from the hospital and headed home, where I was sure things were about to get a whole lot easier. Wrong again. This boy of mine wouldn’t breast feed, and after many shed tears, and the verge of postpartum depression, I reluctantly put him on formula. I remember the early days crying out to God wondering where He had gone and why He had left me to continuously fail. I felt so lost, like I had no idea who Katie was anymore, and that my only purpose was to play servant to this tiny little life that ate, slept and cried.
This went on for about three weeks. I honestly had days where I would call my husband in tears begging him to come home because I just couldn’t deal with the baby anymore. No one prepared me for this. No one told me that it was normal for me to feel alone, and like I didn’t enjoy this. So I started blogging. I was open and honest about my journey (note this is the first and not the last time I will use that word) as a new mom. Each week I would post about my frustrations, my struggles, and about how I was honestly feeling. That blog was my outlet. God used that blog to help pull me out of the darkness and into the light. I would get uplifting messages from other seasoned mothers who had felt the same way, who encouraged me that I was NORMAL, and that this too shall pass.
Carter is now nine months old. I can honestly tell you that this journey has been the greatest adventure I have ever been on, and has brought me so much closer to God. There was a day I was sitting out on my front lawn crying, baptizing my child in tears, and God really revealed Himself and His plan to me. “My Grace is sufficient, for my power is made perfect in weakness” – 2 Corinthians 2:19. The whole time I had been trying to be strong, trying to have it all together, and what God needed to have happen was for me to completely fall apart. It wasn’t until I admitted that I was out of control, that I couldn’t do it on my own, that God started to place all my ducks in a row.My Grace is sufficient, for My power is made perfect in weakness. Click To Tweet
You’ve heard the phrase “Let go and let God” right? That day I gave up. I gave up trying to control my newborn baby and trying to control my life, and instead let God take control instead. I started believing that God gave me Carter because I was who He chose to be, Carter’s mother. I trusted that God made me the type of person who was honest, real, and outspoken about her life so that I could reach, influence, and support others. I began to use that. I listened to parenting podcasts, and it lead me to two books that have had profound influences on my parenting style. The first was “The Five Love Languages of Children” by Gary Chapman, the second was called “Praying for Boys” by Brooke McGlothlin. That second book is one I highly recommend. It is filled with words of encouragement but more than that it is filled with scripture based prayers to pray over your son. I started to pray them over Carter, and trusted that God would guide me as his mama.
I also started reaching out to all my friends who were becoming first time parents. In the months and weeks leading up to the arrival of their children I offered words of advice and encouragement and was honest about how it would be those first few weeks of baby’s life. When their children were finally born I made myself available at any time for questions, venting, or just a listening ear. I never wanted anyone else to feel the way I did right after Carter was born. I don’t say any of this to toot my own horn, I say it because if you are going to step out and let God lead you, you have to be prepared for the way in which He will do so.
New is scary. Change terrifies us because we never know what to expect. The other day I went to buy dish soap at the store and they didn’t have the scent I ALWAYS buy. I had to pick a completely new one. This sounds ridiculous right, it’s just soap. But when you get used to things a certain way it is really challenging to step out. The journey of motherhood is still a new one to me. Nine months hardly makes me an expert, but I hope that in sharing my story you’ll be brave to step out in whatever your new journey might be.
“Because of the extravagance of those revelations, and so I wouldn’t get a big head, I was given the gift of a handicap to keep me in constant touch with my limitations. Satan’s angel did his best to get me down; what he in fact did was push me to my knees. No danger then of walking around high and mighty! At first I didn’t think of it as a gift, and begged God to remove it. Three times I did that, and then he told me, ;My grace is enough; it’s all you need. My strength comes into its own in your weakness.’ Once I heard that, I was glad to let it happen. I quit focusing on the handicap and began appreciating the gift. It was a case of Christ’s strength moving in on my weakness. Now I take my limitations in stride, and with good cheer, these limitations that cut me down to size – abuse, accidents, opposition, bad breaks.
I just let Christ take over!
And so the weaker I get, the stronger I become. – 2 Corinthians 2:7-10 MSG
Katie Langdon is a 28-year-old married stay-at-home mother of a nine month old baby boy. She started blogging as an outlet when her son was born and continues to share her journey for all who want to enjoy the ride alongside her. To follow along go to Confessions Of A Sleep Deprived Mama.
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