Christine Duncan

Love, Laughter, Life Preservers

The Awesome Within The Indefinable

I love when things are defined well.

When there’s a clear picture.

A well-delineated plan.

Every angle explored.

I prefer when a conclusion is made totally apparent.

Have I made myself clear? (chuckling ensues)

I’m afraid sometimes I’m the person grinding her teeth when information, sometimes pertinent information, is missing.

And then other times it can be something simple.

Like, have you ever heard two men talk about hanging out together? Mostly they decide: yep, we wanna hang out. And they might even say why they want to hang out. They decide it’s a good idea, and maybe if it’s practical, what day.

And there the conversation stops.

That’s good enough.

And if you ask what the plan is you’re going to get this;

“Well, we want to hang out on Friday.”

And….?

“And sometime Friday he might call me. Or I’ll call him.”

Aaaaannnnnd???

“And we’ll see what we’re doing.”

Argh. But what time?

“Oh you know, whenever we think is good.”

{I’m sorry, do you hear an odd grinding sound from…. somewhere?}

So here’s the deal. That same kind of bonkers I feel welling up inside after trying to navigate man-speak? Yeah,  there are far too many days it totally translates to my faith. Which then spills into my day-to-day. And becomes an actual barrier between myself and God.

Ouch. It hurts to admit.

When I question His plan, when I show a lack of trust at what He leaves undefined for the moment, the mistrust puts up walls.

Really selfish walls, come to think of it. Walls built out of expecting way more than I’m sometimes given.

I can see, even this week, times when I felt the tug of His Spirit, revealing a small bit of something to my heart, and instead of being content that He was weaving together a plan that was including my obedience, I remained in a state of “not enough”. Then complained when He countered with, “but I AM enough.”

Double ouch.

The indefinable equalled some serious spiritual teeth-grinding.

And not so long ago, I had even talked myself into believing somehow that desiring more from Him was noble. And so the barrier kept growing. Because I used to think it meant I was that serious about His plan, and maybe, perhaps, He wasn’t.

I had it so wrong.

Sometimes the undefined things are exactly why He is an awesome God.

I’m sitting out under the stars in the quiet last night.

As always, without meaning to, digging for big answers to the small path He’s placed me on for now.

And the darker it gets, the more the stars pop overhead.

And yet, everyone knows that we only get to see a miniscule fraction of the stars that embed the galaxies.

Still, I look up and stare, sort of making sense of the limited point of view I have.

Ah ha.

I spot the Big Dipper directly over our two Maple trees. It’ll remain there all summer before it tracks lower and lower into winter.

I follow the points of light, outlining its shape.

And a holy nudge follows.

“Do you see, Daughter? The awesome in the indefinable? From where you are, you’re only afforded a view that allows you to make out one tiny constellation. But you have to know your one piece of the night sky is part of a much bigger, more marvelous and deliberate view. From where I sit, Daughter, I have no problem seeing it all.”

But if I actually showed you every star without hinderance? It’d be too much. The light, the reality of galaxy upon galaxy, would overwhelm.”

“It’d all be too much for your limited vision.”

This renders me speechless. It’d all be too much for my limited vision.

Oh.

And a question rolls through my heart, no more barrier in its way:

“So. Can you trust once again, the Awesome within the indefinable?”

Grateful for one piece of the puzzle at a time? Trusting that He knows that it’s all I can handle right now?

Don’t look now, but someone’s perspective just changed.

I let this settle over me.

The only sound a few leaves swinging in the breeze.

If God is content to give me just one bit of the picture or plan, why can’t I trust it’s the only one I’ll need?

Why do I wear myself down, whip into a frenzied faith? I’m the faith paparazzi running after Him, waving frantically, even running over others sometimes, anxious to convince Him I need more,  just maybe to leak one more morsel of info, any kind of hint, so I have more to work with!

It’s funny how I’ll trust that He is God, even though I can’t see Him, per se. And how I’ll trust that this amazing universe is propelled by Him, even though we’ve yet to explore every inch of it. But trust His wisdom and timing when it comes to something I’ve deemed important?

How does the saying go?

Oh, ye of little faith.

I want to make sure this all lines up with His Word. And it’s there I find this, in Romans 8:28, and fresh life is breathed into a verse I once knew so well;

“And we know that God causes everything  {*everything*} to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purpose for them.” *emphasis mine*

The Awesome Within The Indefinable

His purpose, not mine.

His cause, not mine.

His reasons, not mine.

Mine is only to be content with whatever He reveals, whenever He reveals it. To trust that He knows when I’ve been given enough.

To know that the presence of the undefined equals how awesome a God He truly is.

The Awesome within the indefinable.

One thing’s for sure.

I look into the night sky now with renewed awe.

What about you?

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Today’s post is thrilled to be linking up with Suzie Eller’s #livefreeThursday and the Faith Barista’s #BelovedBrews linkup!
Click on the hashtags above to see more and be encouraged!

12 Comments

  1. Wow!!!”When I question His plan, when I show a lack of trust at what He leaves undefined for the moment, the mistrust puts up walls.”
    So insightful and encouraging! I plan to share later today with some sweet friends! Thank you for your words of wisdom!

    • Christine Duncan

      June 25, 2015 at 11:34 AM

      I’m so glad this encouraged you, Jodie! And your words encourage me, too! I’ve kind of spent the morning wondering “is this gonna make sense to anyone?” I should know better, lol. When God is behind all our words, He is faithful to breathe into them for us 😉 Thanks so much, and have an amazing day!

  2. WOW!!!!! Thank you Christine. Sometimes I don’t know what God is putting in front of me, and it takes someone else to show me. You have an amazing gift!!!

    • Christine Duncan

      June 25, 2015 at 1:23 PM

      Aw, thanks, Lori! I give Him all the glory for being able to make sense of the the things He was laying on my heart and forming it into a post for this week. And for never losing track of us, even when we lose track of Him and His plan. He’s a great and awesome God, amen!?

  3. Well written and profound.

    This jumped out at me because I felt like I typed it:

    “If God is content to give me just one bit of the picture or plan, why can’t I trust it’s the only one I’ll need?

    Why do I wear myself down, whip into a frenzied faith? I’m the faith paparazzi running after Him, waving frantically, even running over others sometimes, anxious to convince Him I need more, just maybe to leak one more morsel of info, any kind of hint, so I have more to work with!”

    I will have to chew on this some more and pray. Today’s word from Him seems to suggest I need to walk out in faith more (blindly, letting Him lead) and quit asking for so many confirmations (on what He wants me to do when He has plainly told me!)

    Thank you for sharing your heart, look forward to reading more!

    • Christine Duncan

      June 25, 2015 at 1:34 PM

      God seems to be at work with this topic, doesn’t He? My prayer underneath everything today keeps going back to “Lord, help us to intentionally accept that You’re enough.” Suddenly I’m hearing that sweet worship tune… “You are more than enough… more than enough… more than enough, for me..”
      I look forward to staying connected, Meghan! Thanks so much for your words today!

  4. Christine, I can relate in so many ways. I love it when He whispers to us in the quiet! You have inspired me and I plan to star gaze soon with renewed awe as well!! Thank you for sharing your words and your heart!

    • Christine Duncan

      June 25, 2015 at 1:37 PM

      So glad you were encouraged, Michelle! I think we can all start doing a little more star gazing in the quiet pocket of His presence. He’s all we need! Hugs and blessings for your day, m’dear!

  5. Oh Christine, how I laughed at your description of man-speak. So true! And I love a well-defined plan myself, which is why I sometimes find myself at odds with God when He doesn’t reveal the whole story to me! You were right on when you talked about believing God for some things, and yet still doubting His timing. Thanks for sharing your heart–what a blessing to stop by from #livefreeThursday today!

  6. Beautiful. He is so good, even when what comes next is unknown or we can’t understand His purposes at the time. Thanks for this encouragement!

  7. Abby Breuklander

    July 2, 2015 at 11:04 PM

    Thanks so much for sharing, I really needed this one tonight!! Hugs!!

    • Christine Duncan

      July 6, 2015 at 3:24 PM

      You’re so very welcome, Abby! Hope you’re feeling better, hun! Been in my prayers all week!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

© 2019 Christine Duncan

Theme by Anders NorenUp ↑

%d bloggers like this: