Let me be real with you all.
Some days are just plain foul.
Some days are just going to send you into a tailspin and leave you crying, “do over!!!” to no one in particular, and often to the Father.
No matter what kind of forward stride you think you’ve made with your depression, some days it tries to remind you that it can take you backwards in a heartbeat.
Last week I got real with you all in a FB live and this blog post here, talking about how the Lord doesn’t waste the struggle, but will use it, and I also joined hundreds of thousands of Canadians talking about depression and our stories for #BellLetsTalk Day…
And the worst part is that I could do it all again this week… because although the special media emphasis has past, the depression will continue to wreak havoc.
So story time.
If one thing stood out about the summer of 2016, it was that I chose to use it as the Summer of Rest.
And then the summer hit us with a tidal wave of heat and humidity here in Ontario that put everyone’s patience to the test, and left me saying to no one in particular, “I said I needed to rest, not hibernate.” Sigh. I didn’t want to complain but skip grilling, you could cook your whole dinner on the sidewalk in under 30 seconds.
Anyway, I rested and hibernated away from the heat and took time to find my way back home, as it were. I dug into books and studies that I’d put off reading until I had more time. I joined two book launches that gave me an extra boost of community with other writers and bloggers. And I spent time daydreaming about small changes in my routine and my home that I’d been avoiding until I had better focus.
People, it took the whole two months.
But I feel better, rested, and eager to see what He’s been resting me for.
It alludes me.
And not just because I can only drink chocolate milk from a glass as opposed to plastic, or because I can’t stand the song Patio Lanterns, or because I grew up thinking musical pork chops was a real game.
And now you’re dying to hear about that last one, aren’t you?
But because when you learn to live with a mood disorder that wants to turn what’s considered normal upside down, or erase how you’ve always defined normal all together, you figure out pretty quickly how to shed all expectation and get down to the business of recognizing what your normal might have to look like from here on out.
I have this thing in my life that would love to make me a slave. Perhaps you nod a knowing yes to this statement because you have something dogging you right now as well.
My particular battle is with Dysthymic Disorder, also known as chronic depression, and to allow it to rule my life would be a heavy, unruly kind of slavery.
How do I know? Because it has in the past and it still tries to now.
Almost every day. For huge chunks of the last 30 years. And every time it attempts to hold me hostage again, I am forced to remember that “he who the Son sets free, is free indeed.”
There’s no taking this girl back to the slavery that nearly consumed her once upon a time. Never again.
Will you join me over at The Faith Collective this weekend where I share the why and more importantly the Who? I know we’d love to see you!
Will you also join us over at the
Faith ‘n Friends Blog Hop linkup over
at Deb’s Counting My Blessings?
Would love to see you there!