“You still don’t get it.”
A simple sentence but one that smacks of disappointment and frustration.
And inevitably, I fling this one-liner at whoever is in my line of fire after one of my Dysthymic episodes brought on by too much activity and not enough rest.
It’s my last comment as I leave the room. Way to end on a high note, Christine.
I use it the minute I realize that my venting about how I feel and what I need hasn’t quite registered with the magnitude I feel I’m due. ( Wow. Reading these words back as I type, smarts, if you must know.)
And this one sentence has the power to make it about them, when really, it’s about me. Or maybe it’s the other way around…
All I know is that in my search for complete understanding, regardless of the other person’s attempts to, I’m left wondering why it feels like no one gets it.
I muttered it not 24 hours ago.
Unaware I’m placing blame and too-high expectations on a loved one who can’t possibly understand past the surface symptoms I do or don’t exhibit without warning.
Unaware that Someone else is waiting for me to transfer this need for understanding to His shoulders willingly.
I sit this next day, praying about how no one will ever get it, this chronic depression that steals things and alters things.
And gosh, but my praying and whining sound remarkably familiar today. Huh.
“They’re never going to get it, Lord!”
And this sudden thought makes my heart reel.
“They were never meant to.”
“Stop expecting them to do the job I was meant to do for you. Stop expecting them to be who I Am meant to be for you.”
It floods me with a healthy dose of “ah ha”. And also, much needed grace.
I think about that one sentence drenched in the impossible.
I’ve been waiting for their complete understanding when my mental state is still a hard puzzle to navigate.
When there are still days I myself don’t understand it.
Why do I hand them this impossible task?
What have I been thinking?
It’s so very abstract, under-the-surface-deep, and unpredictable.
I’ve clearly been thinking “if they would just rescue me!”
But He reminds me He’s the only one outfitted for that task.
” Israel, the Lord who created you says, “Do not be afraid—I will save you. I have called you by name—you are mine. When you pass through deep waters, I will be with you; your troubles will not overwhelm you. When you pass through fire, you will not be burned; the hard trials that come will not hurt you. For I am the Lord your God, the holy God of Israel, who saves you.” Isaiah 43:1-3a
And no one can do what God can do.
No wonder the more I say my demanding and demeaning words, the less effective they seem to become.
What they can give me is tangible support, love unconditional, and ordering-in for pizza many a night. But not rescue. Not like Him.
My mental health is so complex, only two others can ever be expected to “get it” in the real world.
The one who has it themselves for any amount of time, who knows how to ride it out or work through it… they get it, but could never deliver me from it.
And the One who made me to begin with. And will bring me through it.
The One with big enough shoulders that He can carry it and me, while He covers me with His understanding and compassion.
The One who knows how my brain was supposed to work. And why it isn’t.
The One who knows how my body was supposed to react. And still won’t.
The One who gets the desire to be whole, His original intent before a humanity who fell into a sin that pulls things apart.
Knows the ache for freedom.
The One who gets that we don’t always feel the victory that is ours in the middle of the reeling from the viruses from within.
The One who so clearly felt loss and battled hard for the win.He is often the only one who gets it. And that's okay. Click To Tweet
He is often the only one who gets it.
Am I willing to be okay with that?
So that I don’t burden all my loved ones and friends unfairly.
Expect them to supply what only the Father Creator can supply?
And wind up accusing them instead of finding solace with them.
His Word shines forth the right perspective.
“He is my rescue and my strength.”
“It is Your precepts that keep me from perishing in my affliction.”
At church right now, we’re doing a series called “I Quit.” An emphasis not on giving up, but a healthy, strategic, and spiritual stopping of something that needs to go, that hinders us from other ‘yeses’. Making room for God to do all the good things unhindered by what needs ejected.
I prayerfully explained to God today that I vow to quit all the “you still don’t get it” words.
And replace them with, “I just really need You right now” words. Period. He will more than live up to my expectations. He will alter them for His glory and His supply made perfect in Him alone.
And bring my loved ones into that sentence instead. Where He is always more than able.
So they no longer feel the weight of having to be.
Oh, the freedom, my friends, of Him being the One who really gets it.