When You’re Afraid to Hope For More.
Yay! It’s another #FiveMinuteFriday day and I’m so glad to see you here! The #fmf is when we write for only five minutes freely based on a prompt, but when 5 minutes is up, we stop. If you’d like to know more, please visit Kate Motaung’s page here. Today’s word- prompt is *more*.
Sometimes I’m afraid to hope for more. Which probably seems odd coming from a believer, but it’s true.
Lately my chronic D has been less active than usual. This is good, right?
And I know this is because of my insistence on creating a life built around rest, self-care, prayer, and being fully aware of my own triggers and stressors and eliminating them from my day-to-day. I have been very deliberate about this, and for whatever reason, I’m seeing the result of feeling like myself for a while.
It’s the “for a while” part that’s daunting.
I’d like more.
More of this energy that seems to have returned, but for how long?
More of this focus which has me powering through some new projects and responsibilities – for now.
More of this clear peace, more of this feeling like I’m breathing deep, more of this feeling like life really is doable.
What do you do when you’re afraid to hope for more?
My body’s track record is all over the map. This relief from my kind of lifetime-dysthymia might only be hours-long, days-long, weeks-long, even months-long.
But I won’t know. And all I do know is how it feels when it’s yanked away from me once again, tossing me back into a daily navigating of the sea of chronic D.
Sometimes it hurts to hope.
Which makes me resent this mood disorder. How dare it mess with hope? Hope for more.
How dare it tell me to avoid hope?
So let me preach to myself for just a minute.
Doesn’t the enemy love when we forget where to put our hope! Doesn’t he love when we get hung up on needing more from all the wrong sources.Doesn't the enemy love when we get hung up on needing more from all the wrong sources. Click To Tweet
There’s no shame in hope for more. When our hope is only in Him, when our need for more is founded firmly in only Him.
It’s then that we can’t go wrong with hope.
Where have I seen that there’s no shame in more, in hope?
I dig out my Bible and see it in Romans.
“… through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we boast in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produce perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.” Romans 5:2-5
(And yes, ‘glory in our sufferings’ will have to be a whole other blog post, ya’ll.)
“Lord, remind me to only seek more of You, that all hope belongs in You. That the need for more is skewed when my craving is founded on the circumstantial instead of the supernatural. More of You is where I never go without, where I’m never found thirsty and in want, You have never “run out” of Your goodness and strength and mercy. This is where I place my hope. And this is where You become more than enough for me.”
I hope this post today inspires someone to never lose hope. And if you want to join in with the fabulous #FiveMinuteFriday community come check out the linkup here.
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