Christine Duncan

Love, Laughter, Life Preservers

Category: Living With Depression (page 1 of 50)

The Time My Kitchen Was a Battle Zone

A Guest Post for Danielle Macaulay at her blog From Milk To Meat

When my dear friend and fellow writer Danielle asked me to guest post on her blog and write about my journey with my mood disorder, I knew exactly what I should write about, but didn’t know if I could.

I’ve taken a few deep breaths over this ol’ keyboard today, friends.

Seeing as her beautiful blog is about life and food, and family, and kitchens… was I really brave enough to talk about how for almost two decades my kitchen, and therefore my home, was a war zone?

And I wish I was talking about the normal kind of kitchen-as-a-battle-ground.

The small victory over the piles of dishes that never lasts.

The mounds of homework that tangle relentlessly with the mounds of junk mail.

The constant belief that maybe today is the day you won’t be missing that one single ingredient needed for your Pinterest-worthy supper.

Or maybe you’ll be victorious over all the picky eaters who have converged at your single table in one fell-swoop.

Because trust me when I say, that was only the beginning for someone like me.

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Please join me for the rest of this post over at Danielle’s by clicking HERE

Thanks for reading, friends, and praying He takes you through your battle ground in victory!

When He’s The Only One Who Gets It

The Struggle Of Thinking No One Gets It...

“You still don’t get it.”

A simple sentence but one that smacks of disappointment and frustration.

And inevitably, I fling this one-liner at whoever is in my line of fire after one of my Dysthymic episodes brought on by too much activity and not enough rest.

It’s my last comment as I leave the room. Way to end on a high note, Christine.

I use it the minute I realize that my venting about how I feel and what I need hasn’t quite registered with the magnitude I feel I’m due. ( Wow. Reading these words back as I type, smarts, if you must know.)

And this one sentence has the power to make it about them, when really, it’s about me. Or maybe it’s the other way around…

All I know is that in my search for complete understanding, regardless of the other person’s attempts to, I’m left wondering why it feels like no one gets it.

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In The Dried Up and Desperate Places

“Chronic depression sucks you dry.”

I’d been asked if I could sum up what living with Early Onset Dysthymic Disorder for over 30 years felt like, in one sentence.

My response was not an exaggeration. Was not the result of having a bad day. This was the clearest way I could sum it up for my friend.

How do you make the abstract real? How do you encapsulate the invisible for someone who won’t know unless they experience it?

In various ways, in various intensities, it has the feeling of being drained of all that’s healthy, buoyant, and productive on physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual levels.

And in so many ways, it’s easy to feel alone.

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Broken Open

Broken Open - The Staying Connected Blog Series

{Our third installment for our summer blog series “Staying Connected!”
Talking today about what happens when we feel we aren’t as connected to the Father as we need, or are too broken down to finally receive from Him,
and a promise we don’t want to miss.}
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Broken Open - Stay Connected Summer Blog Series

Well isn’t that the question.

I’d been watching a family go through a long wounding. And as answers didn’t come, they started asking with every new low, “how much more broken are we supposed to be?”

“How long is He going to let this continue?”

Their posture, their words, their exhaustion said one thing. Broken down and drained.

It was hard, they said, to receive any uplifting words that were meant to comfort.

Instead it’d just remind them how broken they felt.

“Where is God in this?”

As we sat around the table, I nodded with complete understanding and a giant heap of empathy.

How often had I asked that very question in the middle of my own breaking down while navigating my chronic depression disorder.

31 years and counting.

And I had asked it and asked it, over and over,  and I would worry that the breaking would be the end of me.

And how do we stay so connected to Him when our brokenness threatens to isolate us in our need?

Until one night, wide awake with insomnia and anxiety and soul-crushing defeat, four words were poured into my broken night and He began to reveal that sometimes the broken is the best beginning He can work for our good.

And will we just be resigned to being broken by our circumstances piled onto us or will we decide to be broken open so that He can pour into us, unhindered?

...Or will we decide to be broken open so that He can pour into us, unhindered? Click To Tweet

Those four words that chimed over the top of all of the other words in the dark that night?

“We have this hope.”

They settled on me like a mantle of peace. Those words rang and reverberated around my weary broken spirit like the most beautiful song being sung.

We have this hope…

I surrendered to it, choosing to be broken open enough to receive.

“Thus by two unchangeable things in which it is impossible for God to lie, we who have fled to take hold of the hope set before us may be strongly encouraged. This hope is a strong and trustworthy anchor for our souls. It leads us through the curtain into God’s inner sanctuary, where Jesus our forerunner has entered on our behalf. He has become a high priest forever….” Hebrews 6:19

Sometimes it takes, not being broken apart, but broken open, in order to fully comprehend the magnitude of God’s unbreakable promise to each of us.

Broken open so all the truth and help and love and grace and peace can come flooding in without a shell of our own making to keep it from us.

To understand there is supplied to us, every time, an unlimited supply of His strong and trustworthy anchor of a hope.

So in the breaking open, we’re never swept away, but only ever held.

While He works to orchestrate how to reveal the glorious victory promised.

At the very end of us is where we finally have the very most of only Him.

At the very end of us is where we finally have the very most of only Him. Click To Tweet

And I heard Him nudge my heart.

“What point is the anchor of hope, beloved, if you never have a reason to need it? To need Me?

I know you’re trapped in this fallen broken world.

I would never orchestrate such pain or need.

Instead, I have made sure to provide for when it comes at you mercilessly.

I made sure Hope hung on that cross, anchored by love, broken open to receive your defeat, and for you defeated and overcame the world.

For you then.

For you now.

It may feel like you’re broken by this season of need.

But wait a little while, let Me cover you and shelter you even now, and see what I will redeem so that what’s broken open will grow, reach, and reveal something precious, something fruitful, something ready to be so much more.”

We have this Hope.

We have this Unfailing Hope.

When He cried a broken “It is finished” He meant He was enough.

Let the Hope of the World trade your devastation and weariness so you’re able to receive something that will carry you through to the other side, okay?

For all the broken, we have this hope.

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