Christine Duncan

Love, Laughter, Life Preservers

Category: God In The Midst (page 1 of 58)

You Wait Here, I’ve Got Some Things to Rearrange

When God Says Wait

It was a kind of bizarre moment.

The journey was already long and drawn out, a roller coaster of health ups and downs, answers to prayer, release and relief.

So when I started to prepare to enter back into life as I knew it, and suddenly felt a holy hand go up in front of my hurried hustle, I was confused.

He had answered my prayer. I had come back to life. So why the hold-up?

Turns out He knew some things.

Some things that would happen to me. Some things He would do in me.

And I wasn’t lacking in faith.

I wasn’t doubting the answer.

Hadn’t got a head of myself.

But there was a stretch where I couldn’t figure out why I was still in a holding pattern when it seemed perfectly safe to land.

At one point I was talking to a friend who knows a thing or two about holy rest and waiting on God, and admitted that I was so ready to get back to all the things I loved, was actually raring to go for the first time in almost a year, and yet felt very definitely that He was being firm on “wait”.

But didn’t know what I was waiting on.

Her emailed response settled upon me, and asked me something my heart hadn’t considered, her words adding light to see more clearly by.

“Think of this season in terms of God saying to you, ‘Can I trust you with what I have in mind next?”

He had brought me this far, so if He was saying wait a bit longer He had a good reason.

My heart un-clenched.

I realised I wasn’t given a “wait here on a never-ending loop” directive but a “you wait here, I’ve got some things to arrange” directive.

So I relinquished all my “here I come, world” and instead offered up a “here I am, Lord.”

And I waited.

Turns out, He knew that my new health season would require some recoup that wouldn’t kick in right away. That when it did, He would have to see me through it, hard.

And so I entered a season of healing pains.

My body so happy to be rid of a little something called Lyme that it would then try to regenerate every bit of tissue, nerve, joint, muscle, and brain wave that disease had affected through the years… all at once.

Sometimes we know we’re the most alive, and in the most healthy transition of our lives, when we enter a pain cycle, the proof that life really is returning.

Like when a limb feels like it’s on fire after it’s fallen asleep, He knew that would be me- body, mind, and soul, for another 7 whole months.

Good pains but still hard pains that would wipe me out.

And He had known they were coming.

You circle in a holding pattern until the tower says all is clear. It’s for your safety.

So while I embraced His “wait” and used it to rest and heal further, He began to reveal that He was not idle while I was out of commission, but that He was rearranging and orchestrating some things, old and new.

“You wait here, I’ve got some things to rearrange.”

“I need to clear the tarmac. I’ve got to prepare you for what’s to come. I know you’re going to need more time to adjust.”

“I’m doing this not just so you can get back, but so that you can thrive. ”

Can I trust you with what I have next? Click To Tweet

I’m posting this because there’s a feeling in the air like we’re transitioning out of the holding pattern and into new destinations.

Will you wait with me, just a little bit longer, as He directs me out of this hard season and into a few things I’m slightly surprised at?

I have a new feeling. That what He has is going to be good. And maybe different. Maybe needing courage.

Always needing faith and obedience.

Thanks for hanging around while this new season is about to be released, readers! It won’t be very long and we’ll be doing this thing called life together again.

Now, you wait here please… I’ve got some things to rearrange.

The Weak Seasons

We all face weak seasons... but it's out opportunity to let God reveal Himself fully while we rest.

The autumn season here in Ontario, Canada, has been a great contrast to our summer so far.

Maybe it’s the Scottish blood in me but the cool, wet summer and now the warm, dry fall is perfection for me, and I will gladly let the trend continue.

As far as weather goes, with our almost non-existent winter last year, this has been a banner year for someone like me.

But if I look at it closely through eyes searching for more?

It’s been a rough and extended season of wondering what could possibly go wrong next. A season of worry. A season of weakness.

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When He’s The Only One Who Gets It

The Struggle Of Thinking No One Gets It...

“You still don’t get it.”

A simple sentence but one that smacks of disappointment and frustration.

And inevitably, I fling this one-liner at whoever is in my line of fire after one of my Dysthymic episodes brought on by too much activity and not enough rest.

It’s my last comment as I leave the room. Way to end on a high note, Christine.

I use it the minute I realize that my venting about how I feel and what I need hasn’t quite registered with the magnitude I feel I’m due. ( Wow. Reading these words back as I type, smarts, if you must know.)

And this one sentence has the power to make it about them, when really, it’s about me. Or maybe it’s the other way around…

All I know is that in my search for complete understanding, regardless of the other person’s attempts to, I’m left wondering why it feels like no one gets it.

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In The Dried Up and Desperate Places

“Chronic depression sucks you dry.”

I’d been asked if I could sum up what living with Early Onset Dysthymic Disorder for over 30 years felt like, in one sentence.

My response was not an exaggeration. Was not the result of having a bad day. This was the clearest way I could sum it up for my friend.

How do you make the abstract real? How do you encapsulate the invisible for someone who won’t know unless they experience it?

In various ways, in various intensities, it has the feeling of being drained of all that’s healthy, buoyant, and productive on physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual levels.

And in so many ways, it’s easy to feel alone.

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