The autumn season here in Ontario, Canada, has been a great contrast to our summer so far.
Maybe it’s the Scottish blood in me but the cool, wet summer and now the warm, dry fall is perfection for me, and I will gladly let the trend continue.
As far as weather goes, with our almost non-existent winter last year, this has been a banner year for someone like me.
But if I look at it closely through eyes searching for more?
It’s been a rough and extended season of wondering what could possibly go wrong next. A season of worry. A season of weakness.
“You still don’t get it.”
A simple sentence but one that smacks of disappointment and frustration.
And inevitably, I fling this one-liner at whoever is in my line of fire after one of my Dysthymic episodes brought on by too much activity and not enough rest.
It’s my last comment as I leave the room. Way to end on a high note, Christine.
I use it the minute I realize that my venting about how I feel and what I need hasn’t quite registered with the magnitude I feel I’m due. ( Wow. Reading these words back as I type, smarts, if you must know.)
And this one sentence has the power to make it about them, when really, it’s about me. Or maybe it’s the other way around…
All I know is that in my search for complete understanding, regardless of the other person’s attempts to, I’m left wondering why it feels like no one gets it.
“Chronic depression sucks you dry.”
I’d been asked if I could sum up what living with Early Onset Dysthymic Disorder for over 30 years felt like, in one sentence.
My response was not an exaggeration. Was not the result of having a bad day. This was the clearest way I could sum it up for my friend.
How do you make the abstract real? How do you encapsulate the invisible for someone who won’t know unless they experience it?
In various ways, in various intensities, it has the feeling of being drained of all that’s healthy, buoyant, and productive on physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual levels.
And in so many ways, it’s easy to feel alone.
I’ve decided to start doing a sort of weekly greeting each Monday. Would that be okay? Almost like a devotion? Not necessarily about a topic but just a weekly encouragement? Can we? The thought really keeps sticking in my craw as it were, and so I’m just going to kick off the coming season this way and see where we go, ok?
A verse to start our week off… at first glance, a pretty sounding verse perhaps?
…or on the surface, maybe we’re not fond of one word that stands out… we’ve had some recent run-ins with some pretty “righteous” people and if that’s what faith turns you into, you want no part. Continue reading